You’re the one people turn to. The problem-solver. The one who gets it done—often at your own expense.
You care deeply, work hard, and pride yourself on being dependable. But lately, being that person feels more like a burden than a badge of honour. Your calendar’s packed, your energy’s shot, and somehow… it still never feels like enough.
Sound familiar?
It’s no surprise. As Lucille Ball, the great actress and producer, once said:
“If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do.”
Many of the most driven people I coach—leaders, business owners, go-to team players—carry this invisible pressure. The desire to be helpful slowly turns into over-functioning. And without clear boundaries, even the most well-intentioned person ends up overwhelmed, stretched thin, and quietly burning out.
The hidden trap: When helping turns into over-giving
If you often find yourself:
- Saying yes before you’ve had a chance to think,
- Feeling resentful, then guilty for feeling resentful,
- Carrying more than your fair share,
- Secretly wishing someone would just ask how you’re doing…
…you’re not the only one.
There’s even a name for it: The Drama Triangle, a concept first described by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman. It outlines three common roles people slip into in dysfunctional dynamics:
- The Rescuer: The fixer. Takes on everyone’s problems, often at their own expense
- The Victim: Feels helpless, overwhelmed, and dependent on others to sort things out.
- The Persecutor: Criticizes or blames, often when they’re also under pressure.
Many leaders unknowingly fall into the rescuer role—jumping in to fix, smooth over, or shoulder the load. It feels helpful at first. But over time, it erodes your energy and stops others from stepping up.
As writer and comedian Whitney Cummings puts it:
“People-pleasing is a form of assholery.”
Brutal? A little. But real. When we constantly solve everyone’s problems, we rob them of the opportunity to grow. And we end up depleted.
Why boundaries benefit everyone
Let’s flip the script: Your boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re bridges to better communication.
When you always say yes, they’ll keep asking. But when you communicate your limits with clarity and consistency, you build trust, not tension.
Boundaries help you:
- Strengthen your credibility and focus:
- Protect your time and energy
- Empower others to problem-solve
- Model self-leadership and mutual respect
And they’re not about shutting people out. They’re about showing up better for the things—and people—that matter most.
Five real-world strategies to communicate boundaries that stick
1. Use clear, direct Language
Don’t dance around it. Be kind, but don’t dilute your message with over-explaining or apologies. Try this: “I’d love to help, but I’m fully booked right now. Can we revisit this tomorrow?”
💡 One senior manager I worked with was frequently interrupted by her team. Worried that setting boundaries would make her seem unapproachable, or “too important” she used a simple whiteboard above her desk that read “In focused work mode—please email or come back at [time].”
The result? Her team respected it. Many solved their own problems in the meantime and having a set start and finish time for her “focused” work mode meant she was able to concentrate more deeply and get more stuff done.
2. Set expectations early
Boundaries work best when established upfront, reducing last-minute requests and frustration.
💡 A virtual assistant I coached was drowning in “urgent” emails from clients. She made the bold move to set expectations with new clients upfront by telling them she’d only be checking email from 8–8:30 am and 3–4 pm. The rest of the time her inbox would be closed, allowing her to focus on the tasks assigned to her. She knew that this stance may lose her clients, but she felt it was worth the risk – the alternative was a worst prospect. To support her clients, she also had an out-of-office message reinforcing this, directing urgent matters to a phone call.
The result? Fewer “urgent” interruptions—because, as she put it, “I’m not in the business of saving lives.
3. Offer alternatives (instead of just saying no)
Boundaries don’t always mean shutting things down. Sometimes it’s about reframing how you show up.
💡 One of my clients, a dedicated employee had become the default for every meeting and request. While it once felt validating, the constant interruptions left her drained and behind on her own work. She started asking: “Do I really need to be there?” Instead of saying yes by default, she offered to review meeting minutes and provide input if needed.
The result? Most meetings didn’t require her presence—and when they did, a quick follow-up worked better. By setting clear expectations, she protected her time and continued to support her team—just more efficiently.
4. Frame boundaries positively
Focus on what you can do, not just what you won’t.
💡 A coach I worked with was often asked for “a quick chat” (aka free coaching). At first, she obliged, thinking she was building a client base. But she noticed that those who got free support weren’t making progress like her paying clients—and she started feeling used. Instead of saying “I don’t offer free coaching”, she started saying, “I’d love to support you properly—let’s book a session so we can dive in so that you make the progress that you deserve”
By framing it positively, she reinforced the value of her work while maintaining boundaries.
5. Be consistent and calm
A boundary isn’t a one-time declaration. It’s a practice. You’ll likely need to reinforce it—especially at first. Think of it like training a dog—if you sometimes allow jumping on the couch and sometimes don’t, they’ll keep testing the limits. People operate the same way. Consistency is key.
💡 A client was often handed last-minute tasks by her manager just as she was heading out to pick up her children from school. Instead of succumbing to the pressure, she calmly responded, “I understand this seems urgent, and I’ll address it first thing tomorrow morning. However, I need to leave now to pick up my children.” Over time, her manager came to respect her boundaries, and eventually, the manager adapted to her schedule.
But what if I let people down?
Ah, guilt. That pesky emotion that flares up the moment you put yourself first.
You might worry people will think you’re being difficult. That you’re not a team player. That you’ll disappoint someone.
Let’s reframe that:.
- Saying no to one thing lets you say yes to what matters most.
- Boundaries are an act of self-respect—and they build trust.
- Healthy teams, families, and friendships thrive on clarity, not martyrdom.
You don’t have to be available to everyone to be valuable. You don’t have to do it all to be seen as capable. You are good enough as you are.
Lead yourself first
The most impactful leaders I know have one thing in common: They lead themselves before they lead others.
That starts with honouring your own energy. Saying no with grace. Letting go of guilt.
And remembering: You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself. So the question is—what kind of example do you want to set?
👉 Ready to create stronger boundaries in your life?
Book a free Action Game Plan Session with me. No fluff, no pressure—just real talk, practical strategies, and a personalised plan to protect your time, energy, and well-being. Let’s help you say yes to what matters—and no to what doesn’t. Because you deserve to lead, thrive, and show up fully—without burnout tagging along for the ride.
About the author
Josie Askin, CEO of Spring Coaching, is a performance and productivity coach who works with driven leaders and entrepreneurs to improve their performance and productivity.
Josie has nearly 20 years working in government, in a range of advisory roles. She became interested in the gaps between workplace performance and wellbeing, gradually building analogies between sport and business performance while gaining several coaching qualifications. Now she deals with clients under pressure from all walks of life offering tailored leadership performance coaching, workplace wellbeing programmes, workshops, speaking and facilitation.